Forfeit
by 61wisampa
Summary: Because no matter how much she loves him, she can't chase after him forever.
1. Say Something

**Disclaimer: **Neither To Aru nor the song 'Say Something' is mine. I hope they were though.

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**Say Something**

"You're leaving?"

She merely closed her eyes, not confident enough that she'd be able to pull through her resolve if she looked at him.

There they were in the middle of the airport in District 23.

She held the handle of her luggage trailing behind her, a single green suitcase protected by a Gekota padlock, in one hand and her violin case in the other. She wasn't wearing the uniform she should be adorning that school day and was instead in casual clothes.

He, on the other hand, was wearing his winter school uniform. He held nothing else, but the phone in his hand, and a look of disbelief and hurt on his face.

The announcement of her flight rang over their heads, and around them the crowd of people continued to pass them by.

She couldn't hear them though.

All her mind could register was deep, almost betrayed, pained voice.

She could hear his silent pants, brought about by running _who knows how far_ just to catch her before she left. She didn't know how he even found out. _He wasn't supposed to know she was leaving._

Maybe her friends took pity at him. Maybe they thought he deserved to know.

Maybe they knew only _he_ could make her stay.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, his voice raspy—from the run or from whatever it was that he felt about her leaving.

_'Because,'_ her mind said but she refused to say it out loud, _'I'm giving up on you.'_

_Two years._ That's how long it took for her to finally give up chasing after him. She had tried _everything_, and she wasn't even sure anymore if he really was that dense, or if he chose to pretend to be because he just wasn't interested.

And so she decided to move on and leave Academy City. She'd been receiving countless letters from schools overseas, offering her very impressive exchange student programs that no sane student would turn down, and finally—_finally—_she decided to accept one that will send her all the way to Europe.

He was the only reason why she stayed anyway.

Her refusal to respond only seemed to upset him more as he exasperatingly called her, "Biribi—"

"_Don't_," she stopped him, not wanting to hear that _damned_ nickname he had given her. It was breaking down her resolve, crumbling it to pieces, "Just—Touma, don't…"

Her grip tightened around the handles of her suitcase and violin case.

She still refused to look at him.

"…Mikoto…"

She could _feel_ him approach her, but she was frozen. No longer was her mind connected to her body. No matter how many times she told herself to _get away from him_ her body just refused to move.

He stopped in front of her, and he asked in a whisper, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know I was obligated to."

"_Why didn't you_?"

She bit the inside of her cheek at his frustrated voice, "I don't have to tell you."

"Damn it, Mikoto, look at me!" he suddenly grabbed her by her shoulders, shaking her so forcefully that her eyes snapped open. But she kept her eyes averted, and this, he noticed, "Look at me, Mikoto," he held her chin, tilting her head to face him. She silently noted how his hold was still gentle even with the amount of anger he was radiating, "Tell me… please, why didn't you tell me?"

The sudden desperation in his voice seeped into her chest and her eyes unwillingly met his as she answered, "I didn't want you to know."

The hurt in his eyes was so apparent that she almost apologized right there. But she held her tongue as he murmured, "Why not?"

"Because I don't want you to convince me to stay."

She decided to be honest with him. There was no point. He knew. And whether he was aware or not, all he really had to do was ask her and she'd stay.

That was why she made it clear that she wanted to leave.

His hold on her loosened, and she felt his hands trail down along her arms as the slowly slackened to his sides.

"When will you be back?"

She averted her gaze again, unable to withstand the weight of his stare, "I don't know."

She could feel him watch her critically before he dared to ask, "Will you ever come back?"

"…I don't know."

Overhead, they heard the announcement of her flight.

Swallowing the words lodged in her throat, she told him, "I have to go."

She made a move to pass him but his hand secured her wrist before she could get far.

Her heart almost broke at the utter grief in his voice, "Why are you leaving?"

She didn't reply.

"Please, Mikoto," he begged, "Say something…"

Over the noise of the bustling crowd, she told him in a soft voice.

"I'm giving up on you."

There were no words; even after she pulled herself free from his grasp, or when she disappeared from his sight, and when it was announced that her plane had finally left, he couldn't think of anything to say that could've made her stay.

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**Author's Notes:**

Just something I came up with when I discovered the song** 'Say Something' by A Great Big World**. Listen to it while reading this. It was on loop on my playlist while I was writing.

Gah! the angst! And I was reading**_Facing Your Fears: Again!_**** by cupcakesarereallygood** (again) when I heard the song which is pretty much the reason why Mikoto's leaving and Touma didn't know. But the situation is a whole different thing :DDD

To those who are still patiently waiting for the updates of **_What Causes a Spark_**and **_A Certain Game of 20 Questions_****, **please believe me when I say I'm making steady progress with the chapters. Little by little, yes, but a steady progress still. But I keep scrapping scene after scene when I deem them not good enough and had to replace several pages of written work so it might take a little more while... thank you for the patience!

**~Any typos or grammatical errors?** I didn't proofread this so... yeah...

I hope you enjoyed reading this! :))

**~61wisampa**


	2. Let Her Go

**Disclaimer:** Let Her Go is by Passenger and To Aru is by Kazuma Kamachi. And those are not my name.

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**Let Her Go**

He was aware of how pathetic he looked during class the day after she left. He could feel the pitying stares of his classmates when he had his back on them. Even Komoe-sensei laid off on him, letting him zone out during class when normally she would call on him the moment he stopped listening.

He wasn't surprised that Fukiyose was the first to scold him either.

"Kamijou Touma!" she shouted the moment homeroom finished, "I thought you were going to stop Misaka-chan from leaving! Why did you let her?!"

He wanted to roll his eyes at her statement but found that he didn't have energy to do so. "She wanted to leave. Who am I to stop her?"

"Wha—Kamijou Touma, I misjudged you! I thought you were—"

"She didn't even tell me," he stated coldly, his hands tightening into fists, "She didn't even want to say goodbye. Did you think chasing her to the airport would've made a difference?"

Their next period teacher came in, making her unable to respond. But even if Fukiyose did have the time to reply, he knew she wouldn't have been able to say anything.

Shirai Kuroko's attack on him was even more predictable, but nonetheless, she managed to catch him off guard when she drop-kicked him the moment he crossed the gates of his school.

"You useless ape!" the pig-tailed teleporter bellowed as he groaned in pain, "I informed you of Onee-sama's departure so you could convince her to stay. But what did you do?" she roughly grabbed the collar of his shirt and glowered at him, "You just let her leave!"

"She didn't want me there anyway!" he shouted back as he broke away from her hold, "She didn't want me to stop her. She told me herself. What would you have me do?"

"Why you—you moronic, pathetic excuse of a man! Didn't you even try to find out why? Didn't you ask her?!"

"I told you, she didn't want me to convince her to stay!"

"That's not what I meant, you moron! Didn't she tell you why she was leaving?"

He froze. Suddenly, Mikoto's last words rang through his head.

_'I'm giving up on you.'_

His expression must've given his thoughts away because though Shirai's tone was still furious, it had mellowed down, "Did you even ask her to stay?" he flinched at the bitterness in her voice, "All you had to do was _say something_. She was giving up on you, but all you had to do was ask her. Didn't you realize that?"

He remained unmoving from his spot even after everyone in the school had gone.

He had never expected Tsuchimikado Motoharu, of all people, to tell him off.

All he could do was hold his aching jaw as he glared at the hybrid magician-esper after being punched.

"What the hell was that for, Tsuchimikado?" he growled.

"Nyah, just thought you needed a wake-up call, Kamiyan," the blonde said with an infuriating grin, "You did just mess things up with Misaka-chan."

He snorted, "When were you ever friends with her?"

"If you never realized, Maika's a good friend of Misaka-chan. Plus, we've done some business in the past but that's beside the point. I'm not doing this for Maika or myself."

His heated gaze never left the magician.

"I'm doing this for you, Kamiyan,"

He frowned at Tsuchimikado's statement, "What?"

"Why are you so broken up about her leaving? Even when Index left, you were never this bad."

"She didn't tell me goodbye."

"You had the chance. But instead, what did you do? You interrogated her about her departure."

"I wanted to know why she didn't tell me," he gritted his teeth, "And she said she didn't want me there."

"You still didn't stop her."

"She _wanted _to leave."

"Now, Kamiyan, we both know that's not enough to stop you from trying. With your stubbornness, she would've had to fight you just to get pass you," the magician pointed out, "So why didn't you?"

He could see what Tsuchimikado meant. He knew the magician was right. And as he asked himself the same question, he gripped his chest at the familiar emotion he felt when he watched her walk away.

"Did you really not stop her because she wanted to leave," Tsuchimikado asked, "or because she told you she gave up on you?"

He fisted on his hair, realizing what Tsuchimikado—what _everyone_—had been trying to tell him, why he was so desperate to talk to her before she left, why he had been so hurt that she kept her departure from him, and why he had felt so _dead_ when she was finally gone.

"You know what they say, Kamiyan," his friend's voice told him sympathetically, "You'll only know you love her when you let her go."

And he _let her go_.

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**Author's Notes:**

I'm thinking of this as a collection of closely related one-shots inspired by songs :DD and wow, angst angst angst.

Not many Kamikoto fans want to admit this but there really is a big possibility of Mikoto giving up on Touma. So basically, I'm showing something Kamikoto fans refuse to adhere: If Touma continues to be an idiot, Mikoto is better off with someone else.

by the way, I'm surprised that most of the reviews see this as Mikoto losing interest in Touma. I mean, to me giving up on someone isn't the same. She didn't lose interest, she just decided that she should move on but hasn't exactly achieved that... oh well, thanks to those who read! :))

this time it's **_Let Her Go_**** by Passenger. **I'd say I like Tyler Ward's cover better but the original is awesome as well. And if you've noticed, I've been taking lines from the songs. I hope that's not illegal though. I mean, posting the lyrics of a song is not allowed in FF I think. But if I do it like this, is it still considered a song fic?

Both chapters were done on one sitting while playing a single song on loop so if it wasn't very good, I apologize XDD but I REGRET NOTHING!

oh well. Thanks to YOU who read this! :DDD

**Do you have a good song for me that can continue our story?** If so, please tell me! If I like it and it fits, I'll use it for the next chapter :DD

**~61wisampa**


	3. Far Away

**Disclaimer: Far Away by Nickelback is the song used in this chapter. And if To Aru ever becomes mine, Touma and Mikoto will get together.**

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**Far Away**

When he saw her, he almost thought that she was a figment of his imagination. He stared at her from across the room, not quite believing his eyes.

She wasn't supposed to be here. She was in Europe, finishing her studies. She had no reason to come to America and attend the very conference party that his father had to go to for his father's company. _He _wasn't supposed to be here.

Kamijou Touma was not supposed to meet Misaka Mikoto in a random party two years after she left Academy City.

But the moment their gazes met, he stopped breathing.

Suddenly, the three years of wallowing in regret and self-pity, dreaming of her and what they could've been if he had stopped her, and hoping she'd come back the next day to give him another chance were gone. All the pain in his chest vanished and all it contained was his longing; to touch her, to hear her voice.

_God,_ why did he even let her leave in the first place?

Without breaking eye contact, he found himself approaching her. He didn't care about the people he shoved or the toes he stepped on. All he saw were those unbelievably hazel eyes that he missed so much, looking back at him with as much surprise as he had felt.

He stopped a feet in front of her, just staring at each other. She had grown the past two years. Her hair was longer and she was slightly taller, he guessed, because he had gotten taller as well but she didn't seem any smaller relative to him. She was dressed in a beautiful white dress with black linings, a formal attire fitting for the occasion. Her beauty overwhelmed him, unconsciously making him tug at his own suit nervously.

"It's been a while," he told her, unable to remove the small smile from his face.

She pressed her lips together as she nodded, replying, "You too, Touma."

For a moment, he was lost in his own world when his name rolled off her tongue. Suddenly, there was no party; there was only him and her, and he couldn't be more content.

He was snapped out of it though when one of the girls she had been talking to—he didn't even notice she wasn't alone—spoke up, asking in English about who he was.

He realized he had spoken in Japanese back then and that she had replied like that as well. He had learned the English language after starting college because his Business Management Course demanded it. So he was the one who answered her companion's question, introducing himself as Mikoto's old friend.

It was odd though because the moment he told the girl—Alice, he learned—his name, her face lit up as if she had just met a foreign celebrity. He could only smile politely back at her, shaking her hand as she traded meaningful glances with Mikoto. Not long after, she left, leaving him and Mikoto alone together.

It started off a little awkward, each of them not knowing what exactly to say to each other. She was the first to speak, asking him why he was there. He told her his father had a meeting, and, since he was staring his internship, his father brought him along. He found out that her father was there as well and she was merely accompanying him because she was a good friend of the host's daughter, Alice. She'd been in America for almost two years, leaving London after a year.

Their conversation came easier after that. It was as if they hadn't been apart for three years, as if she hadn't been so far away.

It was in the middle of him telling her about her old roommate and her other friends that the dance floor was cleared. A song played and different couples walked towards the middle and began to dance. For a minute, the two of them just watched, seeing lovers, friends and colleagues of different ages sway with the music. But when he glanced at her and saw her smiling gently at the scene, he couldn't stop himself.

"Would you like to dance?"

She snapped her head towards him, surprised of his suggestion, "Dance? But… you dance?"

He put a hand to his chest, putting on a mock hurt expression, "Do I look that uncivilized to you? That was Shirai's first reaction too when she found out."

She giggled, "Well, you can't really blame her. Besides, I just didn't think an idiot like you would even bother to learn formal dance."

He gave her his best smile, "Then let me show you how good of a dancer this idiot is."

He led her to the dance floor, entwining their hands and holding her close by her waist. Her other hand settled on his shoulder, and then their eyes met.

For a moment, he was enchanted. He had forgotten how beautiful her eyes were and seeing it again after such a long time took his breath away. His grip tightened a little around her hand to reassure himself that this was real, that she was really in his arms.

They began to dance with the song, and he had never been so thankful of those dancing lessons he had to take. Once again the world around them disappeared, and all there was, was him and her and the music they were waltzing to. He couldn't avert his eyes from hers, unable to keep himself from familiarizing her face and engraving it into his mind. How was he able to withstand not seeing her?

"I've missed you," he whispered to her as the song neared its end.

She smiled a little, but it almost seemed melancholic to him, "I've missed you too."

He swallowed a little, hesitating and wondering if it would be out of line for him to ask, "Will you go back to Academy City?"

She stopped then, staring expressionlessly at him.

So he continued, "I know it was my fault why you left… and I regret that every day. But I…" he licked his lips nervously, saying what he had been wanting to tell her all these years, "I want us to have another chance, Mikoto. Please… can we?" he pleaded as the song overhead ended.

She took her eyes away from him, much like she had done that day in the airport. She took a careful step back, prompting him to release her, "Touma, I… it's not that easy—"

"Please," he said again, trying to catch her gaze, "_please…_"

Finally, she looked at him, but all he saw were her tear glazed eyes and her pained face as she shook her head, "I'm sorry but… I have to go."

For a moment, he stood there as he watched her walk away. He knew he had messed up, and that saying sorry wouldn't suddenly make everything better and back to the way it was. He felt conflicted, unsure whether he should chase after her or let her be, but when he caught sight of her retreating back, he was suddenly back at that airport three years ago.

He couldn't let her go.

He chased after her, pushing through the crowd and saying half-hearted apologies to people he ran into. He had heard his old man call for him too but he ignored it, struggling to catch sight of her hazel hair. He saw her leaving the room and he quickly followed, knowing that he couldn't make the same mistake he had done before.

"Mikoto, wait!" he called out when he finally caught her wrist in the empty hall outside the room. "Please just… just let me—"

"_No_, Touma," she told him firmly, her bangs covering her eyes as stood as far away from him as she could with her wrist in his grasp, "I'm not doing anything for you anymore. I told you, I gave up on you."

"Then how did your friend know who I was?" he demanded, hoping that deep down, she still loved him the way she had, "You told him about me, didn't you?"

"No, I di—"

"You're lying," he stated, because even after all this time, he could still tell when she's being dishonest and he was thankful that, at least, hadn't changed, "You still have feelings for me."

Her eyes sharpened into a glare and she began to push him angrily, "Look here, you conceited jerk, I am _over you_. And how Alice knew about you is none of your business, so let me go before I shoot my railgun at you."

He suddenly grabbed her other hand, making sure that his Imagine Breaker was touching both of her wrists. With a soft voice, he asked, "Then why are you running away from me?"

She stopped struggling then.

He watched her as her limbs lost their strength. He altered his hold on her, so that instead of her wrists, he was holding her hands, "Please, Mikoto," he begged once again, "Give me one more chance."

Finally she looked up at him, tears running down her cheeks, "I can't."

He couldn't breathe, and even as she pried her hands away from his hold, he couldn't find the strength to stop her.

But with one last desperate attempt, he called out to her gently, "I love you," her walking halted, "I've loved you all along… I'm sorry I didn't realize it until you left."

There was a pause before she whispered back, "It doesn't matter anymore,"

He let out a defeated chuckle, running a hand down his face. His cheeks were wet. "Yeah…such misfortune…"

She started walking again and with each step she took, he felt his heart break. If he had chased her three years ago, would it have changed anything?

"Hey, Mikoto," she paused again, waiting for him to continue, "If I had asked…" he swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat, "if I had told you I love you back then," he couldn't stop his voice from breaking when he asked, "…would you have stayed?"

For a moment, she didn't speak. But then she turned back and gave the saddest smile he had ever seen, "It was what I needed to hear you say."

All he could do was hold himself until he could no longer hear her footsteps. Only then did he break down, sliding down against the wall when his legs couldn't support him. He couldn't breathe, because once again, he could think of no words that would have made her come back.

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**Author's Notes:**

the song was suggested by **SQuietSA**, a guest user so I couldn't reply to you via PM. Thanks!

Again,** I need song suggestions** that may continue this story. I really _really_ want them to end up together but i can't think of a nice song! So please, I need your help! :DD

I hope you liked this chapter :33 and thanks to those who reviewed and favorited this story :))

**~~61wisampa**


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